The Oscars are over – Now I won’t have to throw up for 364 more days

The 81st annual academy awards show was on last night and I’m glad it’s over. I warn you now that my description of these people requires tremendous use of the hyphen, but I just don’t have any choice. I’ve never seen a bigger bunch of out-of-touch, self-absorbed, left-wing, bleeding-heart, freak shows in my entire life. At what point did the aliens of Hollywood get the notion that they are providing a valuable service? I don’t know about you, but I don’t need actors (or musicians) to tell me about equality, caring, fairness, or any other quality that involves morality, as there obviously isn’t any in Hollywood. From what I gather, though, this is what Hollywood is trying to teach us:

1. It’s ok to fly around in private jets as long as you tell everyone else to drive electric cars.

2. Black people make up 60 or 70 percent of the population (not the 12.9% the census tells us) and can’t get a fair shake in this country.

3. Almost all Californians are gay and very upset that they can’t get married.

4. Since the economy is “down,” the planners of this event were “sensitive” to those out of work and “scaled back” the festivities so they weren’t so “lavish.” This pretend sense of “caring” makes “me” want to “vomit” “profusely.”

What happened to the good old days when everybody out there was nice, all dressed up in their suits, smiling and drinking champagne, keeping their stupid opinions to themselves? It’s a good thing I’m not like that.

I can Fix the economy in 10 minutes…ok, 11 minutes

I’m tired of watching the news and seeing reports about the economy EVERY night. Do people actually think the economy is going to radically change in the next day or two? Are people that dumb? Am I that dumb for asking these questions? Yes on both counts.

Look, it took years to screw the economy up and it’s going to take years to fix it. Harping on it every day (like watching the stock market every day) doesn’t do anything, although it does speak volumes about the mentality of the average moron. We are in for some rough times the next year or two but we will survive it, as we historically always have. Here are a few tips the media typically misses. Read these and then stop watching the news.

1. This is not the first time the stock market has crashed. If the US survived WWI, the great depression, WWII, the cold war, Vietnam, the oil embargo and inflation of the ‘70’s, Reaganomics, the crash of ’87, parachute pants, the recession of the early 90’s, the dot com bust, and 9/11, then we can survive this. I’m not ignoring this problem, just being realistic.

2. Learn from your mistakes. No one should be two paychecks away from losing it all, no matter how the economy looks. It is not now, nor has it ever been, ok to buy extra Christmas presents because “the market is up.” The same goes for buying a new car simply because you just got a raise, and no one should be buying a house with a mortgage based on the idea that future raises will make it affordable.

3. This is not the first time we’ve had a black president…oh wait, yes it is. So what? Once you think about it, that’s not really that inspiring.

4. Don’t think for a second that all of our problems come from a couple of big corporate bad guys. The American people have a bad habit of ignoring personal responsibility. Sure, banks were stupid for offering ARM loans in the first place, but they couldn’t sell them if nobody bought them. Absolutely no one needs a variable interest mortgage, or needs to borrow 125% of their homes value. People weren’t “taking advantage” of a good thing because there’s no benefit to doing it. Home values historically increase by about 4.25% a year. That’s it. Only an idiot would think that they could buy a house with no money down and somehow get rich from it 3 years later. Remember, if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is (so refer back to tip #2).

Ok, now that you don’t need to watch the news anymore, you can spend more time reading.



…well, maybe not.

Thoughts for the day…

We all know preparation and hard work are a waste of time (not unlike math skills). My position is always to do nothing and hope my problems go away so here are few words of wisdom to help you through your day:

Weight loss – don’t bother. Diets “don’t work,” mostly because they require discipline.
Saving money – can’t happen. After the staples – food, shelter, 50 plasma TV, iPhones, and 4 dollar cups of coffee, there’s just nothing left.
Common sense – what’s that? It’s been genetically engineered out of our systems, like thinness.

Print this on a card and carry it in your wallet.

Campaign Enlightenment

I took a break from blogging when the campaigning started and now I’m back – a year later. Maybe I’m not back – I have nothing to say. I do hate the voters more than the candidates, though. I also think I should be elected president. I can vote for myself, but unfortunately, only once. I can’t really write about that.

Hmmm, well, I have learned a few things in the past year so I’ll list them:

• Barack Obama doesn’t like pancakes.
• George Bush didn’t give anyone a tax cut (10% = 15%. I never knew that).
• Saddam Hussein was a nice guy.
• Hillary Clinton would make a great president because she’s married to the guy that was president 9 years ago.
• You don’t need money to buy a house.
• Anyone who makes a capital gain on anything is wealthy.
• Rich people don’t pay taxes.
• Poor people don’t pay taxes.
• Global warming just started 6 months ago and now that we know, we can fix it.
• Eating out 4 nights a week is necessary and does not count towards a person’s “disposable income.”
• It’s possible to raise, lower, and/or keep the same tax rates and still buy a bunch of stuff.
• If you can’t afford to fill your gas tank, you shouldn’t buy a smaller car, you should vote for Joe Biden because he understands what you’re going through.

...and there you have it. Hope this makes things easier at the poles this year. Feel free to do a write-in for me (it's spelled 'Tblog,' not 'T-blog') and remember, a vote for Tblog is a vote to bring back debtor's prison.

GET ME TO HOLLYWOOD, I NEED SOME SYMPATHY

I often complain about the deterioration of the quality of American thinking in this country but if that’s actually true, no one will understand what I’m writing so I’ll change it right now: Americans used to be tough but now they suck. Case in point, all these Hollywood and/or musician losers who have the world at their feet but still manage to blow it.

Yes, they suck. All of them.

Paris Hilton goes to jail for fifteen minutes because she’s so stupid, she keeps driving drunk when she could easily afford to have somebody just drive her to whatever useless public function she needs to attend. Her pal Nicole Ritchie also enjoys drinking, drugs and driving but is now completely cured because she’s pregnant. She has turned her life around and can’t wait to be a mom…until she actually has to raise the kid, and then she’ll be back on drugs in no time. Britney Spears, the “troubled” pop star, has drugs and alcohol to blame for her problems, too. I feel bad for her. Her music career may be over and she’s only 25 years old. She also only has 100 million dollars to fall back on and who could possibly live on that? The list goes on and on. Lindsey Lohan…troubled. Owen Wilson…troubled. David Hasselhoff…also troubled. Something tells me that if I had a drinking problem, I wouldn’t be troubled. I’d just be a jackass - at least that what my friends say every time I do something stupid, alcohol-related or not.

…and that’s why I need to move to Hollywood.

Don’t Think, Just “Do Something!!”

As I watch the United States continue on it’s downward spiral of rewarding stupidity, I’m drawn to the latest edition of knee-jerk politics regarding gun control. Some lunatic freaks out at VT and everybody wants more gun laws. I have no problem with gun laws. I have no problem with ANY law, as long as it does something constructive. I do have a problem with stupid people, however, and I really wish there were a law against them.

I have heard repeated news programs questioning how in the world insane student Cho Seung-Hui was able to buy a gun. How? Because he passed the background check because there was no record of his craziness in any database, that’s how. Just as gun-haters have proven their stupidity by assuming that the over-two-thousand guns laws we currently have aren’t enough, they now want a magic database that knows whether people are crazy or not. Don’t laugh, they really think that. Most gun controllers just don’t like guns and they openly admit that they are for “anything that restricts guns.” Their position is that they are morally right and therefore do not need facts, statistics, or logic of any kind to prove their point. You see, as long as a new gun law might stop a crime, or might stop one crime out of ten thousand, it’s still worth it. It doesn’t matter that law-abiding citizens may get punished. I read that the mental health records for Seung-Hui were not reported to the authorities because it must be done voluntarily. I wonder if the ACLU were involved in that law. I wonder why a law that allows crazy people not to report their craziness to the authorities is an acceptable risk to “protect out freedoms” but allowing law-abiding citizens to buy guns is not an acceptable risk to “protect our freedoms.”

Don’t laugh again…

The problem here is an American one. We’re the fattest country on earth, but no one believes there is a connection between obesity and our upward spiraling heath costs. Don’t put away the donuts and walk around the block, just switch to diet soda and sleep well at night knowing that you’re doing “the best you can.” Apply the same twisted logic to your spending habits. Buy houses, cars, and plasma TVs you can’t afford and ignore your kids college fund. It’s not your fault. You’re doing “the best you can.” If some nut shoots 30 people, just pass another gun law. You’re doing “the best you can.” If that law has no affect on crime, or the likelihood of that crime happening again, so what? You have to do something. You’re doing “the best you can.” Remember, doing something shallow and meaningless is fine as long as YOU believe it’s worthwhile. That’s the American way.

Final Score IMUS 0, Racists 1

CBS Chief exec Leslie Moonves Fired Don Imus last week and had this to say regarding his decision.“Those who have spoken with us the last few days represent people of good will from all segments of our society — all races, economic groups, men and women alike. In our meetings with concerned groups, there has been much discussion of the effect language like this has on our young people, particularly young women of color trying to make their way in this society.”

Ok, let’s have a definition of terms:

“people of good will” – I don’t know what this is supposed to mean
“concerned groups” – Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson. Also, others who just waited to see if a stink would be raised in the media which would mean [they] would have to pick a side
“all segments of society” – blacks and people who are afraid of being called racist by blacks

Now I’m ready. This is ridiculous. Imus is a bonehead for saying “nappy headed ho” but so what? He’s always been a bonehead. Talk radio is for boneheads. If you don’t like it, turn the radio off. It’s obvious this is just another shallow ploy to pretend everyone in America is a racist, which is not true. Most people aren’t racist, some people are. That’s it. The worst reality of this entire story is that most of America isn’t willing to listen or even think logically about it. Here are the ugly truths:

Racism is not worse today than it was 40 years ago.
By far, the vast majority of Americans are not racist.
Racism is not caused by DJs.
If a black guy said those things on the radio, nothing would happen.
If Imus said Italians were greasy, Poles were dumb, Jews were cheap, or the Irish were drunks, no one would care. Some people would laugh, some would not and that would be the end of it.
Nothing Imus said will have any negative effect on “people of color.”
Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson don’t care about anything other than getting their names in the papers.
These statements are not false or inaccurate because I am white.